A Cluster of Thanks

Ruff! Ruff! What ring am I in? How many dogs until you? Can you tape me? I'll be in ring 2 in ten dogs, I'll run to your ring right after, hopefully we won't miss each other's runs ...again! Do we have enough time to shop yet? I'm hungry! Who's going to On the Border for dinner? Oh my god, my back hurts! 

So many years of going to "The Cluster" ...so many roller coaster rides of emotions! From the first year of running my first AKC show , and only my 2nd weekend of showing EVER, and I decide The Cluster  would be a good idea! Good ole Ginger made it great, bringing home a Novice Agility title AND a Novice JWW title. She helped to make The Cluster a show to remember.  Then comes Jive. He put a whole new spin on those memories. Why make them all happy? Gotta mix it up a bit to keep growing right?  A few years off but always visiting and supporting friends. That can't last for long though! Now  here's SirPrize. Getting us back into the action...with a whole new group of competitors...." The big dogs" .

The wonderful thing about this show...the friends and family involved. Not blood family but my agility family. We are a tight group of people joined together by a common love for our dogs. Sure some of these people at The Cluster are with us at many shows throughout the year, but this show is different.  There are friends we see here from all over the U.S.A. It's great! But even with the craziness that goes on here, no matter what changes may have happened- some people becoming World Team members, others tasting that dream because it is so close to reality( Meg, I'm looking at you here ;-)  and the weekend warriors just trying meet their own goals - that close knit group of friends remains uncharred. 

My highest of highs and lowest of lows have shown to have that same group of people surrounding me here at The Cluster. The same people hugging, congratulating, consoling and hugging some more. The same people helping to celebrate multiple MACh runs ( thank you Ginger-snap!), drying the tears brought on by an "over zealous" herding breed ( 'thank you' Jive for for teaching me new things and keeping things fresh! ),

laughing at the end of the day with our yearly family feast at On the Border about, well everything we can and crying (again) over losing one of our own team. "Hey girl, get 'er done." The absence of our dear friend  Paulette did not, nor will it ever, go unnoticed. Along with the absence of some friends, who fortunately we still get to see, just not this weekend- but they are missed too.

I feel very lucky to have these people in my life. The tree  may have grown but the base of the trunk has stayed the same, only stronger.  Coincidence that this show is called the Thanksgiving Cluster? I don't think so. There is so much to be thankful for in this world. My Agility Family and time with my dogs being right at the top of that list.

21 Years

    



 Yesterday marked the 21st anniversary of my wonderful mom's passing from this earth. As I visited her resting place I noticed all the names and dates of the people surrounding her. Many of these neighbors were not there when we placed her there on November 2, 1992. Nineteen ninety-two. At times it seems like only yesterday, yet at the same time it seems like a lifetime ago.

     As I sat there meshing my soul with hers, I began to ponder life.  I have lived almost half of my existence without her. How is that possible? It seems unbelievable to me that she has been gone that long and that I have carried on without her, my right arm for so many years. And yet I feel that I was lucky to have been blessed to have her for those short, barely 23 years. (Ok, so you did the math! How did I get to be 44?!)
     
     Peering around at the dates surrounding me I noticed many life spans. Above her was a man who lived to be 106! Outliving his wife by 34 years! Mom only had 58 short years. In moments of sorrow I feel robbed of many things. She was not there for so many paths in my life.
 Marriage. 
              Divorce. 
                          Careers. 
                                      New life, new love.....Allowing myself to just be ....me.  
     
        Sitting there on the cold, hard floor, listening to the creaking sounds of the mausoleum, I realized that she gave me so much strength. 

She would not agree I am sure. 

SHE would not see herself as strong. 

SHE would be wrong. 

Her burdens in life did not stop her, hinder at times yes, but not halt! 

     Then I noticed the dates of some people who were stolen from their loved ones even earlier, in their mere 40's (gulp!) I felt lucky to have her for so many of life's milestones. Kindergarten. Graduations. Choices- right or wrong. Some people are not that lucky.

     Saying goodbye, looking over my shoulder for one last glimpse until my next visit, I thought, Embrace the day. Embrace life. Don't take for granted that tomorrow comes....
  
    in my own life 
                      
                         ...and those I love. 
     
      Thank you to a woman who lives in my heart and soul and still helps to shape and guide me as she watches over me everyday.