21 Years

    



 Yesterday marked the 21st anniversary of my wonderful mom's passing from this earth. As I visited her resting place I noticed all the names and dates of the people surrounding her. Many of these neighbors were not there when we placed her there on November 2, 1992. Nineteen ninety-two. At times it seems like only yesterday, yet at the same time it seems like a lifetime ago.

     As I sat there meshing my soul with hers, I began to ponder life.  I have lived almost half of my existence without her. How is that possible? It seems unbelievable to me that she has been gone that long and that I have carried on without her, my right arm for so many years. And yet I feel that I was lucky to have been blessed to have her for those short, barely 23 years. (Ok, so you did the math! How did I get to be 44?!)
     
     Peering around at the dates surrounding me I noticed many life spans. Above her was a man who lived to be 106! Outliving his wife by 34 years! Mom only had 58 short years. In moments of sorrow I feel robbed of many things. She was not there for so many paths in my life.
 Marriage. 
              Divorce. 
                          Careers. 
                                      New life, new love.....Allowing myself to just be ....me.  
     
        Sitting there on the cold, hard floor, listening to the creaking sounds of the mausoleum, I realized that she gave me so much strength. 

She would not agree I am sure. 

SHE would not see herself as strong. 

SHE would be wrong. 

Her burdens in life did not stop her, hinder at times yes, but not halt! 

     Then I noticed the dates of some people who were stolen from their loved ones even earlier, in their mere 40's (gulp!) I felt lucky to have her for so many of life's milestones. Kindergarten. Graduations. Choices- right or wrong. Some people are not that lucky.

     Saying goodbye, looking over my shoulder for one last glimpse until my next visit, I thought, Embrace the day. Embrace life. Don't take for granted that tomorrow comes....
  
    in my own life 
                      
                         ...and those I love. 
     
      Thank you to a woman who lives in my heart and soul and still helps to shape and guide me as she watches over me everyday.